A few weeks ago I was contacted by Saloni Dhruv, a journalist with The Established. She wanted to talk to me about the psychological impact of Ghosting. You can read Saloni’s article HERE. After our conversation, I decided to write about Ghosting some more.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone cuts off all communication with us, without any explanation at all! We all understand that Ghosting occurs a ton in the online dating space. But it also is very common in friendships and professional environments.
Why Do People Ghost?
For the most part, people Ghost others because they aren’t comfortable with confrontation. Another reason for this behaviour is that in today’s world we are constantly bombarded by so many options, that it almost seems unnecessary to have difficult conversations.
When it comes to online dating, it can be difficult for us to tell a potential partner we aren’t interested in them in a romantic sense. Often, this is because we do not want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
In terms of friendships, ghosting can occur because we simply are not gelling with the other person. We may have differences in opinions, differing values and beliefs, or even different interests and hobbies. If we find ourselves in any of these situations, it can be extremely difficult for us to have the necessary conversation. How does one even go about ending a friendship? It can seem easier – if not less cruel – to let it just fizzle out, right?
In the workplace, Ghosting occurs by both potential employees and employers. But in this environment Ghosting is actually rather different. Potential employers may not feel the need to respond to every person who applies for a job with them. The reason for this because employers have a tendency to look at applicants as a commodity. They have a need – a position to fill – and their only goal is to find the best person for the job. They want someone with the best qualifications, personality and skills for the job, and they want to fill the vacancy for the best price.
Therefore, when they receive a resume, they often quickly screen through the applicant’s background to see if they will be a good fit. Once they find someone with the skills and qualities they need, then they will call you for an interview. If they don’t select you for the interview, they are unlikely to reach out to you to let you know. This also occurs if you don’t make it through the interview.
When it comes to the flip side of the coin, potential employees may ghost employers if they find a better opportunity, or change their minds – they do not want to have to let someone down.
What Is The Psychological Impact Of Ghosting?
Psychologically, Ghosting can cause several mental health concerns. When someone Ghosts us, we often feel abandoned. Several questions can run through our heads. “Was I not good enough?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Am I not attractive enough?”, “Am I not interesting?”. These questions lead us to feel insecure and create self-doubt. Both of which can lead to low self-esteem – the way we feel and think about ourselves. Other psychological consequences can include a spike in anxiety levels and feelings of depression.
There are also psychological consequences for the ‘Ghoster’. When you Ghost someone it starts to create a pattern of avoidance. The more often you Ghost others, the more and more you start avoiding confrontation. Even though confrontation is extremely difficult, when we avoid it often enough we can forget how to have a difficult conversation. In addition to this, being a ‘Ghoster’ can negatively impact your interpersonal relationships.
Advice For Ghosters And Those Being Ghosted
Ghosting sucks. Point blank. But we also have to look at things that we can do to help us with the consequences of being ghosted, as well as to help us stop ghosting others.
Overall Ghosting occurs in part because we are constantly bombarded with so many options for partners, friends and employment opportunities, that it can seem unnecessary to explain why you do not want to pursue a romantic, platonic or professional relationship. However, do not let the influx of options at your fingertips take away your empathy. Try to do better for yourself and for others, by seeking and providing closure when you can!
